Montag, August 07, 2006

Die Verwandlung

Als ich heute Morgen aufgewacht bin, war irgendwas anders. Keine Ahnung. Nur so ein Gefuehl halt.

Mir gingen so komische Gedanken durch den Kopf. Sehnsucht nach einem Schreibtisch. Meine Finger zuckten leicht, suchten nach einer Tastatur oder wenigstens nach einem Bleistift und einem Block Papier.

Mein Beine waren schwer und ich wollte mich gleich wieder hinsetzen. Aber nicht auf mein Bett. Das konnte ich nur mir Abscheu betrachten. Ein Bett, das ist gleich Faulheit.

Nein, ich hatte das dringende Beduerfnis mich auf einen Drehstuhl an einen Schreibtisch zu setzen. Meinen Schreibtisch, auf der Arbeit. Mein Telefon rechts, mein Computer direkt vormir, mein linierter Block mit Kugelschreiber zu meiner Linken. Im Hintergrund etwas versteck, damit es die Kollegen nicht gleich sehen, ein Muffin. Ein Becher Kaffee.

Danach sehnte ich mich. Es war mehr, es war eine Sucht. Wie das Verlangen nach der ersten Zigarette am Morgen. Aber so eine Zigarette, die man hinauszoegert, um dieses Gefuehl der Sehnsucht zu geniessen.

Es gab noch andere Veraenderungen, koerperliche. Ich betrachtete mich im Spiegel. Ich hab ueber Nacht ein Bauch bekommen. So einen kleinen, der vom Koerper absteht, wenn man an sich herunter schaut. Ein bisschen wie schwanger, nur mit mehr Falten. Uber meiner Stirn sind mir die Haare ausgefallen. Mein Gesicht wirkt blass-gelblich und eingefallen, die Zaehne beige und leicht durchsichtig, Finger, Nickotin-gelb. Ein leichtes, verklaertes Laecheln umspielt meinen Mund.

Oh mein Gott, ich hab mich in einen BUEROMENSCHEN verwandelt.

Ich zog mich an, graue Hose, dunkelgraues Hemd, meine bequemen braunen Lederhalbschuhe. Schnell ein Kaffee, ein Pancake mit Marmelade und ab zur Arbeit, um die sich sowieso schon mein ganzen Denken dreht. Ich kann es kaum noch erwarten. Spannung. Was ist blos aus meinen Faellen geworden, meinen Kunden. Irgendwelche Neuigkeiten, Emails, neue Probleme.

Ich versuchte schnell zu radeln. Bald blieb mir aber die Puste weg, so dass ich langsamer machen musste.

Endlich angekommen. Kaffee geholt. Meine Hand greift zitternd nach dem runden Schalter. Das Windows-Logo, Eingeloggt, Datenbank, Citrix, Outlook und Jabber gestartet. Ein Gefuehl tiefer Befriedigung ueberkam mich, als ich dann das erste mal das bekannt Tringeling meines Telefons hoerte. Meine Fingerkuppen tasteten nach der bekannten Stellung, Zeigefinger uber dem F und dem J. Augen starr gerade aus auf den Bildschirm gerichtet. Leerer Blick, stetig hin und her gleitend, entlang den Zeilen.

Hier bin ich Mensch, hier darf ich sein.

Allen Bueromenschen in allen Buerotuermen dieser vielzuwenig verwalteten Welt gewidmet.

50 Comments:

Anonymous eppi said...

tach kristian,

da haben sie dich bald da, wo du nie hinwolltest.
ich glaub, du solltest kündigen und dich in die irländische sozialhängematte legen.
und endlich mal ausschlafen.

gruß
eppi

16:02  
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Tja, es gibt keine irische Sozialhaengematte. Wuerde nix bekommen, wenn ich das richtig ueberblicke. Gibt nicht mal ne in irgeneiner Weise staatlich organisierte Krankenkasse. Wenn ich krank werde muss ich alles selbst zahlen und der Lohn wird auch nicht weiter gezahlt. Und willst was wissen. Die Iren sind gluecklich so. Die Einkommenssteuer ist bei 20%. Wenn du willst, schliesst du ne private Krankenversicherung ab. Ich glaube die Iren wuerden mit so einem durchgeregelten System, wie in Deutschland gar nicht zu recht kommen. Zu wenig persoenliche Freiheit.

18:28  
Blogger Kristian said...

Der Kommentar wurde von einem Blog-Administrator entfernt.

18:29  
Anonymous eppi said...

hallo kristian,

habe ich wirklich irländische sozialhängematte geschrieben.

vielleicht sollte ich mich mal hinlegen. was hast du da schon wieder gelöscht?

gruß
eppi

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